Eating disorders affect millions of young women. If you are reading
this information guide, you may be a family member or close friend of
someone struggling with an eating disorder. It is normal to feel
helpless and confused at times. The chronic nature of eating disorders
can drain a parent of physical and emotional energy. Learning about
eating disorders can help you provide proper support. Keep in mind that
all suggestions are not appropriate for everyone. This guide was created
to offer ideas on how to help a young woman with an eating disorder.
This guide does not replace recommended treatment or care from a
physician, counselor, or nutritionist.
Keep conversation positive. Discuss neutral topics of conversation rather than focusing on food, calories, or weight. Try to talk about something fun, like your favorite sports teams, hobbies or music.
Consider adopting a mealtime agreement. Agree in advance not to discuss disordered eating thoughts such as portion size, calories, carbohydrate, or fat content at meal times. Many young women with disordered eating have continuous negative thoughts about food. Mealtime agreements often work to reduce tension and stress associated with eating.
Plan ahead. As a family, agree on the structure of mealtimes: what time you will eat, the content of the meals (food selections), and who will be present at the meal.
Grocery shop together. Explore your favorite grocery store or visit a different market. Check out new foods and set a goal to try one new food each week. Young women with disordered eating often have a small list of "safe foods" that they can feel more comfortable eating. Usually, these foods are low in calories, or are not from a food group that the person with an eating disorder has a hard time tolerating such as carbohydrates and/or fat. During recovery, it is important to increase food choices. A nutritionist can be very helpful with setting goals and coaching a patient.
Make sure that all foods that you will need for meals are available. This helps lessen worry at mealtime. Sometimes, if a food item is not available at the designated eating time, it can lead to panic and restricted food intake.
Cook together and try new recipes. Many young women like to cook with someone they trust. Learning how to cook provides another skill towards recovery. Trying new recipes also helps increase the “safe foods” list. Take a look at our “Quick and Easy Recipe for Teens Cookbook” for ideas.
Plan a special event. Make an appointment for a new haircut, manicure, or massage. As young women recover from an eating disorder, their body shape, facial structure, hair texture, and overall appearance may change. They often feel they do not deserve special things. A special event can be a nice way of helping your teen adjust to her new look. It also sends the message that they deserve to treat themselves to something fun.
Shop for clothes. Because clothing sizes often fluctuate during recovery, it’s best to buy a few new pieces of clothing at a time rather than an entire wardrobe. Some young women with eating disorders have a difficult time clothes shopping because of dressing room mirrors. It can also be difficult for a teen to buy a different size than she is used to. Ask your teen if she would like to go shopping of if she would prefer that you pick up new items for her.
Comment on health and energy level. Statements such as, or "You are full of energy!" or "You look well rested" are more appropriate and often make young women feel supported in their recovery. These types of conversations show recognition of improved health status and do not focus on body shape or size.
Smile! Happiness is contagious. A bright, cheerful, and consistently positive attitude works wonders! It is very difficult to watch someone you care about struggle with any illness. Worried looks or tears often make young women feel very guilty about their eating disorder and may lead the teen to feel more anxiety, self-loathing, and depression. It is very important to try to be positive. A simple smile can spread a message of hope and cheer to a teen with an eating disorder.
The Road to Recovery
Be Patient. It is important to remember
that just as it takes a long time for someone to develop an eating
disorder, it may take a long time for someone to recover from one as
well. There are many different factors that can trigger disordered
eating. Years of messages from the media, food industry, and peer groups
contribute to dieting behaviors and unrealistic ideas about body image.
These messages negatively impact the thoughts of young women suffering
from eating disorders. There is no quick fix or cure. Because changes in
thinking and behavior happen slowly, the road to recovery takes time.
Try to look at health trends (eating behaviors and weight) weekly rather
than daily.
Offering Support at Meals and Snack Time
Eat together. Meals and snack times are
often the most difficult part of the day for young women with eating
disorders. They may be very anxious at meal times and feel guilty for
eating. Meal times often require support and supervision. If someone
they trust eats with them, the experience of eating can be more
comfortable.Keep conversation positive. Discuss neutral topics of conversation rather than focusing on food, calories, or weight. Try to talk about something fun, like your favorite sports teams, hobbies or music.
Consider adopting a mealtime agreement. Agree in advance not to discuss disordered eating thoughts such as portion size, calories, carbohydrate, or fat content at meal times. Many young women with disordered eating have continuous negative thoughts about food. Mealtime agreements often work to reduce tension and stress associated with eating.
Plan ahead. As a family, agree on the structure of mealtimes: what time you will eat, the content of the meals (food selections), and who will be present at the meal.
Grocery Shopping, New Foods & Cooking
Some young women recovering from eating disorders are
able to participate in grocery shopping and cooking. Speak with your
teen’s health care provider or nutritionist to determine if she is ready
for this step.Grocery shop together. Explore your favorite grocery store or visit a different market. Check out new foods and set a goal to try one new food each week. Young women with disordered eating often have a small list of "safe foods" that they can feel more comfortable eating. Usually, these foods are low in calories, or are not from a food group that the person with an eating disorder has a hard time tolerating such as carbohydrates and/or fat. During recovery, it is important to increase food choices. A nutritionist can be very helpful with setting goals and coaching a patient.
Make sure that all foods that you will need for meals are available. This helps lessen worry at mealtime. Sometimes, if a food item is not available at the designated eating time, it can lead to panic and restricted food intake.
Cook together and try new recipes. Many young women like to cook with someone they trust. Learning how to cook provides another skill towards recovery. Trying new recipes also helps increase the “safe foods” list. Take a look at our “Quick and Easy Recipe for Teens Cookbook” for ideas.
Healthy Attitude
Encourage new interests. Suggest new
activities such as art classes, volunteering, community service, clubs
at school, music, or yoga. It is important to replace the unhealthy,
disordered eating behaviors (excessive or ritualistic exercise patterns
or restrictive dieting) with healthy interests. Teens and young women
struggling with eating disorders often choose activities that are based
on dieting, weight regulation, and exercise. It is difficult for young
women to break away from these patterns. However, developing new
interests can help reverse the disordered eating behaviors and over time
improve self-esteem.Plan a special event. Make an appointment for a new haircut, manicure, or massage. As young women recover from an eating disorder, their body shape, facial structure, hair texture, and overall appearance may change. They often feel they do not deserve special things. A special event can be a nice way of helping your teen adjust to her new look. It also sends the message that they deserve to treat themselves to something fun.
Shop for clothes. Because clothing sizes often fluctuate during recovery, it’s best to buy a few new pieces of clothing at a time rather than an entire wardrobe. Some young women with eating disorders have a difficult time clothes shopping because of dressing room mirrors. It can also be difficult for a teen to buy a different size than she is used to. Ask your teen if she would like to go shopping of if she would prefer that you pick up new items for her.
Talking with Teens
Avoid commenting directly on physical appearance or body shape.
Statements or questions such as "You look great!" or "You look better”,
“You've gained weight" or "You've lost weight-what's going on?" often
make teens and young women feel extremely uncomfortable. During
recovery, teens often look much healthier, brighter, and stronger.
However, commenting on this is often interpreted negatively by the teen.
A remark such as "You look so much better now that you're not all skin
and bones!" may be interpreted as "I am fat!" by a young woman with an
eating disorder.Comment on health and energy level. Statements such as, or "You are full of energy!" or "You look well rested" are more appropriate and often make young women feel supported in their recovery. These types of conversations show recognition of improved health status and do not focus on body shape or size.
Smile! Happiness is contagious. A bright, cheerful, and consistently positive attitude works wonders! It is very difficult to watch someone you care about struggle with any illness. Worried looks or tears often make young women feel very guilty about their eating disorder and may lead the teen to feel more anxiety, self-loathing, and depression. It is very important to try to be positive. A simple smile can spread a message of hope and cheer to a teen with an eating disorder.
Positive Thinking!
Sharing positive thoughts with a loved one who is
struggling with an eating disorder and body image concerns is helpful.
Check out nationaleatingdisorders.org for "Ten Steps to Positive Body Image" for some suggestions to reverse this negative thinking.
Support for Yourself
If you feel overwhelmed with your child’s illness seek support from a professional such as a counselor or therapist.
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