Healthy Body Image and Self-Esteem for Teens with Facial Differences
Remember
- It can be hard to look different than everyone else.
- Finding ways to have a healthy body image is important.
- Be confident in yourself.
What is body image?
Body image is based on your thoughts and feelings about the way your
body looks. Sometimes, the way you think other people are judging your
appearance can influence your body image. Poor body image comes from
negative thoughts and feelings about your appearance. Healthy body image
is made up of thoughts and feelings that are positive. Body image is a
major factor in self-esteem.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem relates to the way you think and feel about yourself as a
person. This includes how you recognize or appreciate your individual
character, qualities, skills, and accomplishments. As with body image,
self-esteem can also be based on how you think other people
look at you as a person. People who have low self-esteem may not feel
confident about themselves or how they look. It's often hard for them to
see that they are an important and capable person. People with good
self-esteem have a positive and confident attitude about their body and
mind, and can recognize their strengths as well as personal value and
worth.
Why is good self-esteem important?
Good self-esteem is important for everyone because it helps you keep a
positive outlook on life, and makes you feel proud of the person you
are - on the inside and outside. Most teens with good self-esteem find
life much more enjoyable. They tend to have better relationships with
their peers and with adults, find it easier to deal with mistakes or
disappointments, and are more likely to stick with a task until they
succeed.Good self-esteem gives you:
- The courage to try new things
- The power to believe in yourself
- The confidence to make healthy choices for your mind and body
Treating yourself with respect and realizing that
every part of you is worth caring for and protecting will help you keep a
positive attitude towards yourself. Building good self-esteem can take a
long time and is not always easy, but knowing that you can improve your
self-esteem is the first step.
How is my self-esteem affected by my facial difference?
It's common to look at other people and compare your own appearance.
For example, you might compare facial features such as your nose, lips,
eyes, or hair. A normal part of having a facial difference is feeling
like you are not as attractive as other people. Feeling unattractive or
different can keep you from meeting new people and trying new things. If
you start to feel bad about your facial difference, you may begin to
feel bad about other parts of yourself as well.
How do other people's reactions to my facial difference affect my self-esteem?
Just like many other teens with facial differences, you may also have
trouble dealing with people who stare, question, or make comments about
your appearance. Anyone (with or without a facial difference) often
feels uncomfortable if they are being stared at. These situations can
make it difficult to meet new people, make friends, try out for sports
teams, join clubs, and even apply for a job. It's hard to have pride and
confidence if you feel like most social interactions leave you feeling
bad about yourself. It's important to understand that you have the power
to answer questions or respond to comments with confidence, and not let
another person's words or stares lower your self-esteem.
Should I take it personally when other people stare or ask questions about my facial difference?
It's easy to think that when other people are staring at you they are
negatively judging your appearance, but most of the time people are not
judging you as a person - they are simply being curious. Others may ask
questions out of care and concern, and are not trying to be rude.
Someone who sees you for the first time knows only one thing about you:
what you look like. Your personality is not based on looks, so you
shouldn't take a stranger's questions or stares personally, because they
don't know anything else about you. When someone stares or asks
questions, see it as a chance to increase their awareness about your
facial difference. Most people have little knowledge about facial
differences and haven't met anyone who has them. You can clear up any
misunderstandings they may have about you so that they don't assume
anything that isn't true.
What are some positive or helpful ways to respond when people stare, comment, or ask questions?
It can be very frustrating when other people comment or stare, but if
you know what to say and feel confident about yourself, the curiosity
of others won't feel so uncomfortable. You can try something called P.Y.A, which stands for "Prepare Your Answer".
First, think about some of the possible questions you might be asked.
Next, write a few short answers about what your facial difference is and
maybe why you have it. You might realize that you don't know a lot
about your condition, so look through some books, check out reliable
websites, and talk with your healthcare provider to learn as much as you
can.Here are some tips to remember when thinking about what to say:
- Speak confidently—Show others that you have no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed.
- Consider the age of the person you are talking to. For example: If you have a cleft lip, a young child probably won't understand what that means. You will need to explain it with words they will understand, such as: "My mouth wasn't finished growing when I was born".
- Don't describe your condition with negative words. If you use words like "ugly" or "stupid" and say "I have an ugly/stupid scar", this will only confirm any negative thoughts others may have, and it can become harder for you to build good self-esteem.
- Share only what you are comfortable sharing. If there are details that you would rather not share with strangers it's OK to politely end the conversation by saying something such as, "I'm not comfortable answering your question".
- Situation #1: You've been in
a burn accident that left scars covering most of your face. When you
try out for a sports team at school, the coach wonders if you will be
able to participate without limitations.
Your Response: "The scars on my face don't affect my ability to play sports. I'm still a strong and competitive athlete". - Situation #2: You're at a
friend's house, and her younger sister who is about four or five years
old notices that you have a red patch of skin on your face (your
strawberry birthmark) and asks: "What's wrong with your face?"
Your Response: Smile and gently explain, "My face looks different because I was born with something that makes my skin this color. Sometimes things can change how your skin looks. - Situation #3: You have a
syndrome that caused the shape of your face to develop differently.
While you are on the bus, a teen sitting across from you begins to
stare.
Your Response: Make eye contact, smile, and simply say "Hi!". You could also say something friendly, such as complimenting their outfit.
Remember that there is so much more to you than just
physical appearance. Respond and interact with people in a way that lets
them see your inner qualities too. Find ways to let your skills or
talents shine. Show that you have hobbies, interests, likes, and
dislikes just like everyone else.
What if someone asks about my facial difference but I just don't feel like talking about it?
That's ok! You are in control of the conversation and have
the right to say that you would rather not answer their question. It can
be especially uncomfortable when someone questions you in a public
place or in the presence of other curious people where it suddenly feels
like you have an audience. Changing the subject of the conversation
might help the other person know that you don't feel like talking. If
people are staring, it's OK to look in another direction or walk away.
Is there anything I can do if I feel frustrated?
If you feel frustrated, or too annoyed or upset to talk, try going
for a walk or a run, listen to music, or participate in a fun activity
with someone you enjoy being with. Sometimes expressing how you feel can
actually be more helpful than keeping feelings to yourself. Talk with a
close friend or relative who you trust, and who can offer encouragement
and support. It can also be comforting to talk with other teens that
may be going through similar experiences.
If you are feeling very sad and discouraged most of
the time, and can't seem to find ways to feel better about yourself, it
is important to contact your healthcare provider or counselor. They can
help you to find ways to cope.
What can I do to build self-confidence in the way I look?
Since your facial difference is only one aspect of your appearance,
try and concentrate on feeling good about your whole body. There are
many ways to help boost self-confidence, such as finding a flattering
outfit to wear, getting a new hairstyle, or simply eating nutritious
foods and exercising. One of the best ways to feel good about your body
is to know that you have a healthy one! You may not have control over
your facial difference, but you do have the power to keep a positive
attitude about yourself.
What are some ways to keep a positive attitude?
You can keep a positive attitude by defining an identity for
yourself that is not based on looks or negative things other people may
say.Some ways you can develop good self-esteem and keep a positive attitude are:
- Focusing on the good things you do and spending time concentrating on your unique qualities.
- Focusing on your education. Learning gives you the power to make a difference in your life and in the lives of others.
- Participating in a variety of sports or activities. This can be a great way to stay healthy and fit, which adds to a positive body image.
- Taking up a new hobby, or learning to play an instrument. Have you ever wanted to play the guitar? Maybe you want to learn how to play chess. Take time to find your hidden talents!
- Setting and reaching new goals. Having something to look forward to can give you a sense of pride and help you work through different challenges throughout your life.
- Being an inspiration to others. If you've thought of your own ways to cope with social situations and find confidence, you may find it rewarding to share advice and offer encouragement to others.
Building a healthy body image and good self-esteem
can be hard work because it takes time to become confident with your
appearance. As you work to improve your body image, you will experience
self-acceptance and learn to recognize the qualities, skills, and
talents that make you special.
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